⚠ juniper EXPOSED ⚠

goes by juniper online, also venus, also probably 4 other names we haven't found yet. claims non-binary. we checked. it's true. disgraceful.

refuses to use capital letters. types like a gremlin that learned to code. will ONLY scream in all caps. this is a typing terrorist.

self-reported "amateur ui designer who finds drawing rectangles therapeutic." we have reason to believe they have drawn thousands of rectangles and felt nothing.

owns a blåhaj. has possibly named it. possibly talks to it about arch linux. possibly the shark is the real sysadmin. we are not afraid. (we are a little afraid)

favourite utensil is a fork. not a spoon. not chopsticks. a fork. this is a lifestyle choice and we have questions.

has had "i love my computer" by ninajirachi on repeat since approximately the invention of sound. spotify wrapped is just that one album 47,000 times.

built celesteOS, an arch distro, because normal operating systems weren't gay enough. also in grid studio and the neuron company. sleep is for the straight.

had a project called ameOS. it is now DEAD. they say "no longer being built." we say: murdered. by who? the rectangles. always the rectangles.

insists they are NOT gorb and do not use tumblr. we have screenshots. (the screenshots are of them saying "i'm not gorb.") case unsolved.

bio literally says "lowercase gremlin architect making the world gayer/prettier one distro at a time." an ARCHITECT. of what. gayness. apparently. guilty as charged.

verdict: guilty of being extremely online, extremely gay, and extremely into drawing rectangles. sentence: keep being iconic. no appeal. ★ case closed ★